How to Deal with Grief

Sigmund Freud first brought up the concept of grief work in 1917, and today the idea that bereavement is purpose-driven continues.

The Definition of Grief

When we define grief, it is this - keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret and no one is prepared for the discomfort and stages of grief that come next. The rush of feelings, the thoughts, anxieties, and heartache can take us by surprise and drive us to our knees. Yet, when we choose to harness that power for self-growth, amazing things can happen. Good can come from pain.

Dr. James Worden chose to see the work of bereavement as task-oriented:

1) To process the pain of the grief

2) To accept the reality of the loss

3) To adjust to a world without the deceased

4) To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life

Your current job is to focus your attention on achieving each of those goals. It will not occur in any logical order; each of us is different and the path we walk in the bereavement journey is not a straight one.

Dealing with the stages of grief is hard work. It takes both courage and hard work to successfully adapt to the loss of a significant person in your life.

Along Your Journey - How to Deal with Grief

Dr. Stephen Joseph identifies what he calls six signposts to facilitate post traumatic growth. He reminds readers too that "post traumatic growth does not imply the absence of emotional distress and difficulties in living. It does imply that it is possible through the struggle to come out on the other side, stronger and more philosophical about life."

Before identifying these six signposts, Dr. Joseph reminds his readers of three very important things:

You are not on your own
Trauma is a normal and natural process
Growth is a journey

He also provides a fundamental rule: don't do anything you might not be able to handle now. "If you experience intense emotions, become physically upset, or begin to panic...stop." He gently reminds readers that "having a sense of personal control over your recovery is important. There might be some things you do not feel ready to handle now, but in time, as you discover new strength and develop new coping skills, this will likely change."

There might be some things you do not feel ready to handle now, but in time, as you discover new strength and develop new coping skills, this will likely change.

6 Signposts of Grief

Sources:

Freud, Sigmund. On the History of the Psycho-Analytic Movement Papers on Metaphyschology and Other Works.
Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009.
Fleming, Stephen. The Changing Face of Grief: From 'Going On to 'On-Going''
Joseph, Stephen. What Doesn't Kill Us: the New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth